A Simple “You’re Pissing Me Off” Should Do It.

Hey ladies! So today I want to start to break down relationships. I realize that not everyone is married so I’m really gonna try to focus on dating & marriage. A couple things you need to know before I get into this talk. 1. I’m not here to bash men. 2. Ladies, I will and am going to hold you accountable for your place in your relationship. As should you. I can’t put everything I want to say about marriage into one post so I’m going to hit on two things that have been extreme eye openers for me and that I now have to actively work on every day.

First let me say that whether you’re dating or you’re married its freaking hard. I am not here to pretend that my husband and I have a perfect marriage or that we always get along. Please don’t think that. I know friends and family that know some Sav and Chris stories are saying to themselves, “No sh**”. Little background, I’ve been married to my husband, Christian, for 5 years this November. 5 LONG years. We dated for a whole 5 months before getting engaged and were married 3 weeks later at the ripe ol’ age of 20 & 21. In this time I’ve realized how much I love him. Seriously. Overall, he’s a solid husband. He’s honest, he’s sweet (and a little salty which keeps me on my toes), he’s a provider for our family, he’s loyal (as far as I know), he’s absolutely hilarious, communicates well for the most part and he’s overall average at being a dad (told you I keep it real). He tries. He loves them so much but parenting is hard and we’re new to it. It’s not a natural thing for men to jump into a parenting/nurturing like it is for women. On the flip side, no one pisses me off more than he can. Chris probably hears me say, “You’re pissing me off” at least 3 days a week.

This brings me to my first point, COMMUNICATION. I could talk about communication all day. Aside from honesty & loyalty, good communication is going to help you the most. Yeah, I tell my husband he’s pissing me off cause guess what ladies, men can’t actually read your mind. Stop giving them the silent treatment and punishing them until they guess. They aren’t smart enough and honestly, if they’re like my husband they don’t give a sh** when you act like that. You are not creating a productive/effective relationship. After I tell him he’s pissing me off he will stop (usually) and then we can move on. I’m not spending or wasting my time and energy bottling something up that can be solved within a couple minutes and neither should you. With this being said, there are times where a simple “You’re pissing me off” isn’t sufficient. When your man does something that fires you up. That will make you lash out, I suggest taking a step back. When my husband does something that makes me feel like that (usually on Saturday nights after a few too many), I don’t communicate with him because if I do the wrath his ass would catch is not healthy. It’s better, healthier, and more effective for me to keep my mouth shut until I can communicate with him what he did and why I don’t appreciate it and quite frankly won’t put up with it. This is coming from years of experience. I have not always been this knowledgeable believe it or not. I used to get a sick sense of enjoyment when I got to rip him a new one.

The second and final point I want to bring up that has really has hit home with me and made me realize how important it is for me to pay attention to the way and timing in which I react to him & things that go on in our house is that my children are listening and watching. If you don’t have kids yet that’s okay. Keep this in mind so you can create healthy relationship habits now. My 8 year old can hear me whisper to my husband something that is not meant for her ears but Lord knows she won’t hear me say, “clean that food off the coffee table” even after I’ve said it 15 times. Selective hearing is what they call it. And this goes for both spouses/significant others, but because women are my audience, I’m telling you hold yourself accountable in respect to what your children see you do/say. They are learning communication skills from you. How they see you interact with your significant other is how they will likely react to theirs when the time comes. They will mimic your level of self control, your words, and your actions. When I’m quick to react in anger I can see Juliette do the same. She’ll lose it on another kid in a heart beat. And it’s because she has seen me do the same to Christian.. and a few others. I’m not suggesting that you hide that marriage takes work, but show them in a healthy way. Let them see you communicate healthier and more effectively so they learn good habits that they will later use in their marriage and with their children.

So if your significant other needs to hear “You’re pissing me off” let them have it. But be knowledgeable about when you need to take a step back and breathe. And always remember little eyes and ears are right behind ya.

-Savy J