Give Yourself Some Grace

Boy do I have a story for y’all that I’m sure is relatable & hopefully will give you a little enjoyment this Tuesday. I have promised to be real and honest about life and this past weekend is a perfect opportunity to share just how much the reality of having kids hit me.

This past Saturday was a ROUGH one for my kids and me. I started off the morning in a little bit of a not-so-happy mood. I wasn’t mad, but definitely not my usual self. Once I woke up the morning just started to decline by the minute. It’s important to note that my husband has been gone since February off and on and hasn’t been home at all since August so I have been dealing with my little minions on my own for quite some time. A mental breakdown was bound to happen at some point right?

First offense: I’m trying to get in the shower which is not a death sentence for my almost 1 year old. He now sits in my bathroom and cries at the shower curtain until I get out. I have now cut my showers down to a good 3-5 minutes. Quickly washing my hair and my body (if I’m lucky). Take note that I did ask the 8 year old to keep an eye on him for 5 minutes so I could shower but her Hulu account is her number one priority on a Saturday morning. By the time she noticed he was back in my bathroom and not in the living room with her I was already racing out of the shower.

Second offense: Time to do my hair. I take my son and put him on the sink. I fill the sink just a little bit with some water so he can splash his feet in it while I blow dry my hair which takes a solid 10 minutes. In that time my husband is texting me about his luxurious all inclusive resort he’s going to in port, including a jacuzzi and massage on the beach, which literally infuriated me due to it being impossible for me to even shower for 5 minutes. He wasn’t doing it to brag, he was simply sharing his excitement but I shut that down pretty quickly by going off on him for even thinking I wanted to hear about him having fun while I was stuck in fresh hell with our children. THEN my son decides to sit in the sink, with his clothes on, and grab my phone and drops in in the sink (thankfully for just a quick second before I grabbed it). I LOST IT. When I tell you I screamed at my baby. I SCREAMED at him, curse words included. Shame on me, I know.

Third offense: I try to calm down, literally on the verge of tears. I walk upstairs to get son changed out of his soaking wet clothes and I hear my niece/daughter FaceTiming my sister telling her I am losing my mind and screaming at everyone. True, but the mental breakdowns that happen in this house stay in this house. I then proceed to cry-scream at her for calling my sister and she starts crying. So its about 915am, we are supposed to be out the door in 15 minutes, we’re all SOBBING. I literally cried the rest of the day, probably due to my hormones, being that I’m 7 months pregnant.

But it was rough, Sister. It wasn’t pretty. And honestly, I’m okay with it. Of course I wish I had reacted differently. I definitely should not cry, scream, or curse at my young children. But I have granted myself the grace of having a mental breakdown. Life got the better of me that day. So I want to tell y’all if you’re having a rough day/week/month/year I FEEL Ya! I am with you! Give yourself some grace. You’re allowed to have days like this. You will survive. Your kids will survive. You just have to keep rockin’ and rollin’ and pray it gets better.

I would like to shout out my Gran. My saving grace in my chaotic life. Who goes out of her way for me all the time. The next day she took my kids and treated me to a facial and pedicure so I could have some “mommy time”. I pray y’all have a Gran in your life like I do. If you don’t, find one. Pay for one. Do WHATEVER you have to do. I literally would not make it without this woman. After my “mommy time” she sent me a text and said, “I’m not enabling you. Now it’s time to put on your big girl panties and get on with it!” She pampers me and then gives the tough love I need. She’s an angel sent from the high heavens.

-Savy J