It’s the F U for ME

Guys! What’s up?!

I don’t even know where to begin. Basically, yesterday I had a revelation and I wanted to share it because I think it’s really important. Now, I know that some of you are going to read this and roll your eyes, but I’m going to bet that you have also had this same internal struggle.

Most of you know that I am a mom. I have 3 kids. Two of the three are biologically mine. Two boys, 14 months apart. They are now 2 and 15 months. You can see why I’m struggling! Anyways, I have been really struggling with myself lately. There are a few reasons: One is a lack off self confidence which I have struggled with my entire life, two is because I have failed to see myself as a separate human being from my kids for the past two years, three is an extreme fear of failure. AHHH, why am I like this?!

Naturally, I’m a people pleaser. I give off the F U vibe, but internally I’m thinking ‘holy shit, I hope they like me!’ Guys, I’m here to tell you- F U! I don’t mean this in a mean way. And yes, to a certain extent I think it’s important to care what people think- the people that matter. But I seriously care what a stranger passing me in the mall thinks when they look at me. Like, that’s not healthy.

Also, I am an actual human. Like I’m not just a robot mom that God put on this earth to wipe butts and tears. For so long I have struggled with that. And honestly, it all goes back to those cliche phrases such as “You get one life to live; make it a good one” or how about “You are worth it!” Yeah, that one got me yesterday. It was like a revelation. But honestly, duh, of course I am.

Fear of failure. Another lifelong fear of mine that I have to overcome. I have this mindset that when I do something for the first time I have to be a master of it. Of course when I’m not I’m like F this. This also goes right along with fear of hard work. If something isn’t easy for me then I am so intimidated. Can you relate? Or am I a crazy person?

So let’s move on to my revelation because my kids will be up in like 10 minutes and I would like to shower without them simultaneously crying and throwing all my clean towels on the bathroom floor.

In a nut shell, the revelation is this- I AM WORTH IT. And I really want to break this down because it is SUCH a cliche and cliches are what people say when they want you to feel better about yourself but really don’t know what else to say.

First of all- you know I love my Jesus. So I want to take a minute to let you know if the most perfect human in all of creation died for you and has called you BY NAME you are worth it. You really have to think about that for a second. I’ve seen bible versus all over my newsfeed and I read them, get a fuzzy feeling and then move on. But let that sink in. If Jesus thinks we are worth it, shouldn’t we give ourselves a shot at this whole life thing?! I don’t mean just going through the motions. I mean REALLY living. I also don’t mean drop your entire life and join the circus unless you’re into that sort of thing. If you are, do you hunty!

The next thing is that kinda my new life motto is that I OWE it to myself to work hard. I owe it to myself to reach my goals. I owe it to myself to overcome my fears. I owe it to myself to be the best person I can. And this is kinda where the F U comes in. When you start to doubt yourself because you’re so focused on what other people think or say or are doing- you have to say, “F U- I’m doing this for ME”. Because I am WORTH it. I am worth the hard work, the tears, the inconveniences, the struggle because sister/brother- YOU ARE A BADASS. You are a human being outside of your kids, your job, your significant other. And you can effffiiinnnggg DO IT- whatever IT is. And don’t be afraid of failure and hard work, or even success. I have been for so long and it has been debilitating.

Guys, I don’t want to preach and I don’t want to be a cliche. But I encourage you really let these thoughts sink in after you read this. Yesterday, after I thought about this I literally felt like a weight had lifted off of my entire body. That weight was ME. I’m my own worst enemy- there’s another cliche but its true. The only person that has stopped me from being who I need/want to be is ME.

So get out there ladies and gents. Live your freaking life and work hard doing it. You owe it to yourself and you are WORTH it.

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